Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Cute Shit: Ridiculous Korean Signs & Labels

So here's silly Konglish post #2, starting with businesses' street signs:

I DID. AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!

Just in case you weren't sure.

"Bikey Titicaca" just sounds so cute

We do?

... I, uh... Okay.

Penis coffee! Waffle & Cake. At first glance anyway.

There's no doubt about this one, though.

Finally, I've been looking for some forever.

Sex shops aren't that common in Korea, not larger ones with any kind of a decent selection anyway, and they're usually more discreet.



Damn skanky chicken.

The best part of waking up is a giant coffee bean peeing into your cup

Waffleting AND bubbleting? Nice.

Let's move on to odd food labels, signs, and restaurant descriptions:


You'll... Well, you'll something our Pizza anyway.

Speaking of pizza, here's the strange lore behind Imsil Cheese.

... Ow?

Wow, that's some intense freaking coffee.


You have Paris Baguette - or rather, their fancier franchise Paris Croissant - to thank once again for these gems.


Wow, intense chocolates for your super intense coffee I guess.

There are some really, really bad car decals out there that have totally the opposite intended effect of making the guys who put them there look cool and macho:



That sounds like a cool job.

Korea's great at completely and flagrantly disregarding copyright infringement and intellectual property laws and, indeed, all the way through high levels of university, lots of people just copy and paste shit into their papers and no one cares. Here are my favourite designer knockoffs that were just so close, but no cigar:



And then there's all the other random shit:

Okay, this isn't Konglish, but it's still pretty good.

Heheheh. Huehuehuehue.



Also not Konglish, but still funny. Calorie counting in a stairwell near Gangnam Station.

Weird kids' school notebook at HomePlus

Yeah, please, if you would keep off the alligators. That'd be great. Thanks.

Also not really Konglish, but still good.

Your guess is as good as mine; I never looked it up or asked to retain the pungent air of mystery.

Please, do NOT release the Kraken.


Definitely not as funny when you see it in an actual, English-speaking doctors' office.

She's all like, "Nooo, don't~~"

"And what the fuck is this guy all about? Huh?! It's touching my eye! It's touching my eyeball!"


I always wondered if these might also have the opposite intended effect. I mean, if I were a creepy weirdo or sexual predator, I'd know exactly where to go late at night when there were only a few cars left in the parking lot. Just saying.

I'm having some serious lady emotions about this parking dilemma, guys, give me a minute.

Also not Konglish, but unfortunately for me, I have totally seen guys at the gym who look like this Dx


These were pictures of famous vegetarians at a really good vegan buffet in Gangnam that closed last year. Not... even close.

And this is just racist, you have to read more on the back before finding out that the minerals used in the pore strip are from somewhere in Africa. I'm onto you, you sneaky fucks. Just be glad I somehow never took any pictures of the infamous Africa brand cigarettes.

As long as we're on the topic of maps... Errr...

And finally, the crown jewel, which I found parked right around the corner from my office in Yeouido last summer.

-golf clap-