Sunday, November 13, 2011

Never Go Full Leotard

Before proceeding, I readily acquiesce to the fact that I don't have the body to be traipsing around in leotards, but guess what? I did anyway. 
Not once in October, but twice. Last year I didn't make a blog post about my Poison Ivy costume and the "slutty Atlantian" costume I made for my friend, so I'm going to make up for it this year with a post about my Ariel costume and my strange night as an alien disco space queen/Sailormoon villain. And a general summary of my entire busy October.

The Little Mermaid costume is a lot easier to explain than the latter leotard-related fashion fiasco, so I'll start with that.

I really wish I'd stepped into the foreground and smiled, but I love this one:

I threw my costume together at the last minute between helping Ale clean battery acid out of her trunk and going to house parties, even though I'd had all the components since August. I could probably make a really awesome costume (or get straight A's or write a book etc.) if I ever actually tried. All I needed was a pair of leggings, a leotard, some lame (lah-MAY that is; there are formatting problems when I copy and paste characters) and some felt. 

I cut a V-shape into the waist of the leggings and attached some simple triangular bluegreen lame (they were kind of lame, actually) fins. I tried to make the little fins Ariel has sticking out at her waist, too, but the lah-may was coming apart, time was short and chaos reigned. Now you might notice that the nude leotard ran like a damn nylon stocking. Well, dear friends, I'd like to use my misfortune as an opportunity to remind you never to hastily leave positive feedback on eBay before you've tried something on. The leotard had no means of entry whatsoever, so I had to cut off the neck bit that didn't stretch (imagine trying to put on a T-shirt by stepping into the top), not knowing that would cause the whole thing to come apart. I also cut the sleeves to elbow length and sewed on simple shell-shaped felt pieces. The shiny sequin things are neat strings of sticky dots I found at S.A.S for $1.99 that advertised themselves as a way to instantly jazz up your clothes, which made me smile. I also attached some purple ribbon around the back to make it look like a top.

The purple ribbon came from these flower girl headbands I made for Minna's three adorable little clones:

Aren't they cute? I'm thinking of advertising these headbands on Etsy because they're so easy to custom make, but with 3 1/2 weeks of college left I can't say I feel like doing any commissions, no matter how small.

Anyway, onto the other leotard.

Ok, so a friend of mine was shot and paralysed in a senseless psychotic rampage nearly a year ago now, and he threw a party to celebrate being alive. It just so happens that this friend is in the habit of throwing ludicrously elaborate parties. The last few have had "Lady Gaga performances", so I hesitantly agreed to be Gaga for this one, since this friend always loves my outfits (which I really ought to post) so much.

We spent several weeks learning the dance, and when the time came to do it, I was still too sober after some Xanax and 6 shots of vodka: I froze up. I also frantically finished this costume at the last possible second, so I had been running at 100 MPH for a few hours, too. Long story short, I forgot about half of it, the drag queen who was probably the best dancer of the bunch and who up until then had been unconscious suddenly appeared without his wig and started drunk dancing with us after we'd enlisted the help of another gay man with ADHD to fill his position, and apparently everyone else sort of messed it up too. We were going to redo it a couple of weeks later but my friend posted it on Facebook as it was anyway, and I'm never going to watch it. Ever.

He somehow managed to change outfits 6 times during the course of the night, blackout drunk and in a wheelchair. Like a boss. 
Also at this party I watched an adorable lady in her 30's piss (and puke) all over the front lawn through her clothes, saw a guy who'd unknowingly smoked weed laced with opium fall and break his jaw and incorrectly guessed that the laceration on his chin would require 3-4 stitches when it ended up needing 8, was regaled with the fetishist tale of "two girls one pot" - which I luckily did not witness - and was hit on and felt up by a 17 year-old former gutter punk while trying to sober up at 5 AM before driving home. The intense irritation and mild disgust motivated me to get un-cross-faded ASAP. If I had a party to celebrate being alive, I think I'd want it to be something like that.

Valenzuela and I look completely psycho in this picture, I lol'd when I saw it. There were also a lot of really good looking people there with awesome costumes who don't appear in this picture. Not saying that in a bitchy way - some people did look really awesome.

That same weekend I also went to a Misfits show. Erika pressured me to give a really cute 17 year old guy (completely unrelated to the aforementioned one) my number even though I didn't want to, we had a few drinks, I ended up with an enormous bruise on my arm that sort of looked like Japan and I got my vest signed by Jerry Only after he pulled me close and I kissed his forehead.

My friend's ex also sent me what I can only hope is the worst of the camera phone pics he took that night, but it's kind of funny so here it is:

The fake money (and fake bales of cocaine that I wish were pictured but aren't) were distributed in spectacular fashion by a very gimmicky but thoroughly awesome band called Bro-Loaf. They're listed as "Crunk/Fusion/Thrash" on MySpace, which is about the best I can do in describing them. They changed costumes numerous times and had a well-coordinated series of skits to go along with their set, including a song called Graduation that I intend to download and blast repeatedly in approximately 4 1/2 weeks.

Also, Ale had herself an awesome 4-day romp in Seattle at the very beginning of the month and brought this art earrings back for me for my birthday, in a box she decorated:

We also went and saw The Lion King in 3D and really enjoyed it, despite initially regretting being sober.

In turn I made her these little Matryoshka-themed things for her birthday, which is on Halloween:

Oh, and we also went to a stranger's birthday party in Tempe because I decided I wanted to have a political debate with an intelligent stranger who'd tried to troll me on Facebook. No such debate was had, the party was full of awful pretentious conservative nerds and I regret not taking the Stoli Ale bought with us when we left.

Finally, I talked her into going down the the Occupy Phoenix rally for a couple of hours on the 15th. I made a simple sign and scrawled a sort of manifesto in sidewalk chalk that corresponds to my political rants on this blog; we swung on the swings in the park while some hippies were discussing whether or not they were in the mood to get arrested; and the fuzz was surprisingly congenial, despite the sensationalist crap you might have read online that states otherwise.

The Walking Dead also started again in October. I love the shit out of that show and I've never missed an episode. If Norman Reedus dies I might, though. It almost looked as though the second season started a little early in the park that night:


Our little former of the Occupy movement's global day of action was pretty crummy, though I can't say I'm surprised that a backwater city like Phoenix doesn't give a damn about or is unaware of what's going on in more relevant places and what's being done by more relevant people.

My favourite part of that night was getting a free surprise backstage pass to the taiko show that was going on at the Japanese Friendship Garden next door:

Pretty neat, huh? There's something oddly, voyeuristically satisfying about taking cool pictures while lurking in shrubbery. Anyway, that's what I was up to in October. My excuse for not posting much this month is that life has been punching me in the face repeatedly, which you already know about if you know me.

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