Sunday, January 30, 2011

Scandalesque: "Tease" at The Duce

I've heard people say that they thought the movie Burlesque looked dumb, I saw it made fun of on SNL, and despite being the hypercritical and highly selective person that I am, I really liked it. Haters gonna hate, whatever. I thought it was fun and exciting and pretty realistic; my only criticisms are that they should have used Cher and Alan Cumming more.

But this isn't about Burlesque, this is about a burlesque show that I found out about here in Phoenix. I was pretty surprised; Phoenix isn't exactly a cultural hub and its more adventurous inhabitants can often be seen in their natural environment whining about lack of interesting things to do. Well, here's something!






I went with Angelique, who's also into this sort of thing, and god damn, we should have gotten there way sooner. It was a mad house with valet parking only, and pudgy valets getting a workout running across the street and down the block parking cars wherever they could. After sitting in a line that extended into the street for 15 minutes, they finally cleared a spot and for the time being parked my car next to the door, in the middle part people normally drive through.

Had we known "VIP Seating Available" meant "we're going to put out about 30 folding chairs, the rest is standing room only", we probably would have paid ahead of time and avoided wearing boots with 6" heels. We were each in about 1 square foot of space the entire time, and by the time I got home my feet were stuck in the shape of my shoes. I think waaaay more people than they anticipated showed up, and they just kept packing them in. At least the girl at the door only charged me $10 instead of $15.

The place seems pretty cool; a large restaurant/bar in a prohibition-era warehouse in South Central. The stage was a boxing ring.




Anyway, into the show itself! This handsome and nimble possibly Asian guy was a really talented gymnast. All of the men there unnecessarily expressed their displeasure at his obvious lack of female endowments, but I thought he was awesome.






There was a can can routine and a cute French twin chair dance followed by acrobatics on a single hula hoop suspended from the ceiling, and then the troupe's star performer appeared for this fan dance. They stripped down from Gaga disco bras to these pasties. I swear to god, she IS Christina Aguleira's character from the movie.



Angelique said she's seen this hula hoop girl at raves before. I have to admit that her extremely petite and muscular body was fascinating to watch; she's so small and athletic yet so curvy. The woman cheering in the background is the hostess; she had a "hot for teacher" act going on the whole time.
Doppel-Christina, I'm telling you.




After a 5-minute intermission that turned into a 30-minute intermission, they did their final act, which was exactly what I came expecting this show to be. It was adorable and amazing, traditionally sailor-themed. I loved the music, too, though the music throughout the entire show was great.

These people are all very talented dancers, and they leap like gazelles! The hot guy from before was part of this act, too.
Christina came back out and did a pretty amazing flaming hula hoop routine dressed WWII style. So. Awesome.


They were going to do another fire dancing routine, but their props wouldn't light properly (lohl). Then they proceeded straight to fire-breathing, which had everyone making a "D8" face because they nearly set the whole place alight. 
There was a large fabric pennant thing hanging from the rafters right where they were all breathing the fire; the flames were licking it and moving it. I was like, "This is pretty awesome, but if that thing catches, we're fucked."
Her fire dancing was brief but quite good, considering how many other things she does as well. I wonder if she can sing?


For the grand finale, she left the stage, the others continued dancing, and then she came back wearing a different military cap and coat. I know not everyone feels the same way about this and that it is obviously a terrible idea in reality, but considering all the fetishised military garb, what seemed most appropriate was for her to come back in a Nazi uniform. But no, that wasn't it. She threw off the coat to reveal... sparkler pasties! 
Also, look at her ass! She has such a perfect body.
Epic Gaga Rocket Bra Finale is epiiiiiiiic.

This was really a great show and I can't wait for the next one - but I'm also going to plan ahead to avoid the lack of parking and seats. These people are really talented and are keeping a beloved 20th century tradition alive; everyone should go see them.