Sunday, January 30, 2011

Scandalesque: "Tease" at The Duce

I've heard people say that they thought the movie Burlesque looked dumb, I saw it made fun of on SNL, and despite being the hypercritical and highly selective person that I am, I really liked it. Haters gonna hate, whatever. I thought it was fun and exciting and pretty realistic; my only criticisms are that they should have used Cher and Alan Cumming more.

But this isn't about Burlesque, this is about a burlesque show that I found out about here in Phoenix. I was pretty surprised; Phoenix isn't exactly a cultural hub and its more adventurous inhabitants can often be seen in their natural environment whining about lack of interesting things to do. Well, here's something!

I went with Angelique, who's also into this sort of thing, and god damn, we should have gotten there way sooner. It was a mad house with valet parking only, and pudgy valets getting a workout running across the street and down the block parking cars wherever they could. After sitting in a line that extended into the street for 15 minutes, they finally cleared a spot and for the time being parked my car next to the door, in the middle part people normally drive through.

Had we known "VIP Seating Available" meant "we're going to put out about 30 folding chairs, the rest is standing room only", we probably would have paid ahead of time and avoided wearing boots with 6" heels. We were each in about 1 square foot of space the entire time, and by the time I got home my feet were stuck in the shape of my shoes. I think waaaay more people than they anticipated showed up, and they just kept packing them in. At least the girl at the door only charged me $10 instead of $15.

The place seems pretty cool; a large restaurant/bar in a prohibition-era warehouse in South Central. The stage was a boxing ring.

Anyway, into the show itself! This handsome and nimble possibly Asian guy was a really talented gymnast. All of the men there unnecessarily expressed their displeasure at his obvious lack of female endowments, but I thought he was awesome.

There was a Can-can routine and a cute French twin chair dance followed by acrobatics on a single hula hoop suspended from the ceiling, and then the troupe's star performer appeared for this fan dance. They stripped down from Gaga disco bras to these pasties. I swear, she is Christina Aguilera's character from the movie.

Angelique said she's seen this hula hoop girl at raves before. I have to admit that her extremely petite and muscular body was fascinating to watch; she's so small and athletic yet so curvy. The woman cheering in the background is the hostess; she had a "hot for teacher" act going on the whole time.
Doppel-Christina, I'm telling you.

After a 5-minute intermission that turned into a 30-minute intermission, they did their final act, which was exactly what I went there expecting that show to be. It was adorable and amazing, traditionally sailor-themed. I loved the music, too, though the music throughout the entire show was great.

These people are all very talented dancers, and they leap like gazelles! 
The hot guy from before was part of this act, too.
Christina came back out and did a pretty amazing flaming hula hoop routine 
dressed WWII-style. So. Awesome.

They were going to do another fire dancing routine, but their props wouldn't light properly. Then they proceeded straight to fire-breathing, which had everyone making a "D8" face because they nearly set the whole place alight. There was a large fabric pennant thing hanging from the rafters right where they were all breathing the fire; the flames were licking it and moving it. I was like, 
"This is pretty awesome, but if that thing catches, we're fucked."
Her fire dancing was brief but quite good, considering how many other things 
she does as well. I wonder if she can sing?

For the grand finale, she left the stage, the others continued dancing, and then she came back wearing a different military cap and coat. Fetishised military garb is always a winner. But what was under it..? She threw off the coat to reveal... sparkler pasties! 
Also, look at her ass! She has such a perfect body.
Epic Gaga Rocket Bra Finale is epic
This was really a great show and I can't wait for the next one - but I'm also going to plan ahead to avoid the lack of parking and seats. These people are really talented and are keeping a beloved 20th century tradition alive; everyone should go see them.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Craft(y) Project: Rainbow Sprinkle Cupcake Manicure

I highly recommend buying Asian-style nail chips online, the ones that are all still attached like model pieces. When I first started doing this I was just getting cheap sets of 24 chips, glue and manipulating sticks from Wal Mart, because I'm obviously no pro. The trick to wearing these crazy nails is filing them down to a realistic length and applying many layers of top coat or some other kind of adhesive to the decorations. I used real candy sprinkles for these because I had them on hand. I stuck them to the still-wet white nail polish, and then followed up with top coat and acrylic spray.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Craft(y) Project: Deco Flash Drive

What? It's plain and boring, or just blank? Deco it! My life is never going to look sterile, sleek, and perfect like a Sharper Image catalog. I accept that. Now, a couple of words of caution: first, glitter glue pen flakes off smooth plastic surfaces easily. Second, super/crazy glue turns some opaque and transparent hard plastics a cloudy white. Other than that, spending two and a half hours placing tiny rhinestones is therapeutic and good for your blood pressure if you're in the right mood. :D

Monday, January 24, 2011

Fashion Product Review: Palladio, Milani & Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics

The last time I cleaned my room I found the January 2011 issue of InStyle, once I had excavated to a depth of approximately 3 feet. I noticed a page about 7 different beauty trends for spring, which include deep purple eyes, coral and neon pink lips. Lucky for me, these are some of my favourite colours.

This metallic purple eyeliner was given to me a while ago by the same person. She dumps a lot of makeup she doesn't want on me, and it's great. The very few things I do end up keeping are real gems. This metallic purple liquid eyeliner immediately became my favourite. It wears well, the little spongy applicator is perfect, and it lasts longer than you'd expect. This colour is called "Lavender", and I'm sure the others are just as good. Get it for $6 here.

Last but not least, the third gem from that donated makeup bonanza, Milani 3D Glitzy lip gloss in In Vogue. This is a rich, liquidy and glittery hot pink with a brush applicator. If you don't want to pay $13 for the Lip Tar version I think CVS carries this, or you can get it for $6.99 here.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Accessory I Spy

Ok, so about a week ago I thought I'd gotten all of my accessories - mountains of necklaces, earrings, hair bows, pins, plastic rings, bracelets - put away. 
This is a big deal. 
Between being an only child, a bit of a pack rat, keeping things forever and thrifting, they tend to accumulate. I decided to put all of the remaining accessories on my floor in the middle of my room when I cleaned it up to vacuum.

Well, the pile filled the whole centre of the room.

Yep. Plastic saber, elbow pads (Gogol Bordello gypsy punk costume), foot.
1. Find the vintage Disney Florida Orange Bird pendant. 2. Find the tiny mammoth (bought because it's an oxymoron). 3. Find the tiny carousel. 4. Find Sailor Pluto.

Also, while Googling to see if the Florida Orange Bird had another official name, I found out about a series of pins released with him on them! Aww! 
I found out about the character on Poupee. Japanese Disney products are ten times cuter, I wish we weren't relegated to picking through what Disney marketers have decided will appeal to white trash middle America. I scoured the Interweb and finally found that pendant for like $16 on Etsy. says these were just released two weeks ago; their pin trading webstore says 2009 and various online sellers say 2010. Whatever. eBay ahoy!